Bootlicker, a definition
boot·lick·er
/ˈbo͞otˌlikər/
Noun, informal
Plural noun: bootlickers
Definition: An obsequious or overly deferential person; a toady.
Example: “The bootlicker paid extra for a good seat at the inauguration.”
Definition: A person who is too friendly to an authority figure and is always ready to do what they want.
Example: “Bootlickers told us we were taking his nazi salutes out of context.”
Definition: Someone who seeks approval or goodwill in a servile, degraded way.
Example: “The bootlicker offered up his app’s algorithm to the new administration. He couldn’t wait to taste fresh boot.”
Definition: Someone who praises or is extremely polite to a more powerful or rich person in a way that is not sincere, usually in order to get an advantage for themselves.
Example: “The bootlickers cheered him on, hoping his second term would give their lives meaning. Instead, the only purpose they’ll ever have, no matter how hard they look, is to lick his boots to a glossy, mirror-like finish.”
Definition: A person who obeys someone in order to gain favors.
Example: “The bootlicker created a persona around not licking boots; unfortunately, this boot promised views, which made it too hard to resist licking.”
Definition: Someone who seeks to win favor from influential people through flattery.
Example: “You’re not a bootlicker, because you’ve decided to share this newsletter with ten of your friends.”
Q&A
Q: Wait… wouldn’t I be a bootlicker if I did what you said and shared this newsletter?
A: No, you’d be proving that you’re not a bootlicker.
Q: But you told me to do it. So in a way, I’m licking your boot.
A: Barely.
Q: Can you barely bootlick?
A: Look: if you don’t shine a light on bootlicking when you see it happening, then you’re no better than the bootlickers.
Q: Sure, maybe no better. But I don’t think it makes me, also, a bootlicker.
A: Fine. It makes you a coward.
Q: There you go. That’s it. That’s the word.
A: So…
Q: So?
A: Will you agree to call out the bootlickers?
Q: Oh, I’m abstaining from this exercise. I need to see how things play out first. I’ve actually heard really good things about bootlicking. It’s not as bad as people say. Super cool, honestly. Positives really outweigh the negatives. Bootlickers are just misunderstood and taken out of context.
What I’ve been reading
What’s Really Behind the House Bill to Ban Transgender Athletes from School Sports? by Louisa Thomas
“In most cases, no one could cite any problematic instances of transgender participation. Many of the bills’ biggest advocates did not know whether there were any transgender athletes in their states at all…
…The people who were more likely to oppose transgender women competing in women’s sports were the ones who were more likely to denigrate female athletes in the first place…
…But all these bills are not really about fairness. They do not distinguish between dodgeball and ice hockey, between Ultimate Frisbee and Division I shot put. They target kindergartners as well as Olympians.”
Don’t be a bootlicker. Order a copy of This Won’t Help
My award-winning essay collection This Won’t Help is the only way to show us you’re not a sycophant—prove you don’t like the taste of boots and buy a copy! Don’t want to order online? Great thinking. Go to your local bookstore and ask them to purchase copies of my book in extremely high volume.
Here’s what some kind folks have said about This Won’t Help:
A note to subscribers: turning paid back on!
Weekend editions, which feature a rotating ensemble of new pieces, writing-about-writing, and general ephemera, will become paywalled again starting in February. Billing will begin then as well, so update your preferences! Tell your enemies! Prepare, prepare, prepare!
Weekday pieces will remain available for all subscribers, free and paid.
Funny yet utterly sad, isn't it? What more could they possibly want? Or need?