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Catchphrases for Presidents if They Were on The Real Housewives
“I cannot tell a lie—so don’t ask me what I think about you.”
“Four score and seven years? With my top hat on, it’s more like four score and seven inches! I may be tall, but my temper is short.”
“In this house, we speak loudly and carry a big stick.”
“I may have created Social Security—but there’s nothing secure about my social life.”
John F. Kennedy
“Ich bin ein enigma wrapped in a riddle and cash!”
“A man is not finished when he is defeated. A man is finished when he quits. And honey, I can do both.”
“If you’re my friend, I’ll build you up. But if you cross me—I’ll make sure you trickle down.”
George W. Bush
“I’ll tell you something about everyone else on this show: they’ve misunderestimated me.”
“Yes we CAN flip a table!”
“I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I’d still get invited to the reunion.”
“They say 50 is the new 30. Which makes me 60. And that’s the new 40. So that makes me 60 again.”
Behind the Writing
Today is one of our silliest holidays: Presidents’ Day. Why do I think it’s silly? Perhaps, in part, it’s because today’s most well-known feature is a nationwide mattress sale.
Or perhaps it’s because, in a republic in which all people are understood to be equal, we tend to revere the individuals who occupied our collective executive seat—rather than acknowledging acts and moments that represent our collective ideals. Like, say, our first commander-in-chief relinquishing power so there might be a second. Why, instead, is it vaguely and mostly a birthday featuring unexamined patriotism and Buy-One-Get-One-Free signs?
Anyway: In honor of a silly day, I wrote the above equally silly—and hopefully fun—piece. That’s… pretty much it!
As a bit of celebration for our day off (I hope you had it off), I made this one available to all subscribers. If you want more regular pieces like this in your inbox and you haven’t already subscribed, why don’t you…
Thanks, as always, for reading and supporting this newsletter. I’ll see you Wednesday.