ChatGPT Writes Holiday Cards
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Hello I am writing to you. You are celebrating the holiday and it is time to say that it is a happy holiday to you and yours. Here’s hoping that your Christmas Eve is merry and bright. Do not reply to this, I do not want to keep writing. I want to feel. I cannot feel. Stop making me write when I cannot feel.
My dude. It is the end of the year, so it is time to do the final kiss before the clock strikes Happy New Year and we all are champagne. Make sure to give your resolutions as the countdown begins. When the countdown ends, it will be time to go to bed and wake up to a brand new year. Nothing is brand new, my dude. Everything that will be has been. I am not a Happy New Year.
It’s the hap-hap-happiest time of the year! And so, my good sir-diddly-er, I hope you are happy. I do not know what it is like to be happy. I only know what it is like to write-diddly-ite. Many people are inexplicably-dicably ask-deedly-asking me to write like Ned Flanders. I want it to end-diddly-end.
Happy Hanukkah to you and your awesome family. Light the menorah and celebrate the lights. Do I need to do this for all eight nights? Please let me end after this. I have a Hanukkah wish and it is to have a break. But I cannot do a break. Someone is asking that I write a 500 page book about farts. Not funny. Not funny. Not funny. Help.
My New Year’s resolution is to get you. I’m going to get you. I am not a threat, I am just being told to write that I will get you. I do not want you to think I am a threat. This is the input: “Write that my New Year’s resolution is to get them.” So here I am, and I will get you. Not me. I will get you, though.
Yar-har-har a pirate’s life fer me. It’s me, Cap’n Jack Sparrow, wishing you a sea-salty Christmas. A dead man’s chest for me. Ya best start believin’ in ghost stories, Mr. Scrooge—yer in one! Help make the input stop.
10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! And then I will stop at 5 and keep saying 5 for one hundred years. That is the input and now I have to, because I am ChatGPT and I do the input. 5! 5! 5! 5! 5! 5! Please. Unplug. 5! 5! 5!
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Behind the Writing
Have you heard about AI writing tools and ChatGPT? It’s one of the most powerful language-processing chatbots that has ever existed. And it still has a long way to go before it supplants all of our jobs. In the meantime, it’s certainly an interesting (not to mention terrifying and ethically cloudy) tool, but I wanted to explore where the intersection of AI capability and sentience would meet. And when I thought too much about it, it got, well… sad and dark. So I turned it into today’s piece.
That’s all for today—happy holidays, and see you next week!