Dear Professor, My Dog Ate My Homework

Then he shit it out with all the right answers filled in. And that’s why I’m acing this class.

Dear Professor,

I know you must hear this all the time, but this time it’s true: my dog ate my homework.

Then he took a shit all over the kitchen floor, and inside the heaping mound of doggy doo-doo was my assignment: intact and with all the right answers filled in. And this happens every single night. And that’s why I’m absolutely crushing this class.

I w…