We're Doing Really Well, So We Need to Lay Some People Off

2023
Our company is doing really well. We’re seeing year-on-year growth. We’re expanding into new sectors. We pulled in about $14 billion in profit last year, and we believe things are only looking up. All of which is why, naturally, we need to lay off half our workforce.

If that doesn’t make much sense, don’t worry: we can explain. You see, we pay our to…