Here's What Happens If The President Dies

"We will pretend he's still alive, but that he's not feeling very talkative."

We here at the White House want to assure the American people that, in the unfortunate case of the president succumbing to the novel coronavirus, we do indeed have a plan to ensure the continued stability of our government.

If the president dies, we will immediately send someone to Walgreens (unmasked, the way the president would have wanted) to purchase…