“He’s just trolling us,” I say as I pay 200 dollars for eggs
People don’t understand what’s funny anymore. You basically have to tell them when to laugh—and that burden often falls on yours truly. “He’s just trolling us,” I say to my wife, as I pay 200 dollars for eggs and our whole town gets measles for the second year in a row. “It’s actually so hilarious,” I explain as we discover we’ve both been purged from voter rolls. She’s not chuckling yet, but I think she’s starting to get it.
The mainstream media takes him too seriously. The truth is, it’s all a big overreaction to some good old-fashioned gags. “It’s just a prank,” I remind the bank teller as I take out a personal loan for my annual physical. I look up at a nearby television, where he’s announcing a new plan to hunt people for sport. See that big grin of his? “What a jokester,” I smirk, as I agree to a fifty percent interest rate and put a lien on my kidneys.
And the other guy—such a class clown. “Comedy is finally back,” I insist, as I prick my finger for my daily blood draw, the new requirement before using his internet for the day. “LMAO we just got punk’d!” I comment on an interview clip where he explains why healthcare isn’t as important as rockets that explode.
How does nobody get it? I can’t believe everyone’s falling for the runaround. “They’re just a couple of big goofballs!” I yell as they drag me away for writing this. Can you believe I’ll never see my family again? What a great bit.
What I’ve been reading
In the Kingdom of Mitch, Dave Denison
“The cynicism that oozes from [Mitch] McConnell was never more apparent than in the early weeks of this year when, after repeatedly warning Trump against declaring a national emergency to fund a border wall, he then announced he would support the rogue president’s craven power grab. The emergency declaration, he said, ‘is the predictable and understandable consequence of Democrats’ decision to put partisan obstruction ahead of national interest.’ That’s a sentence-wide glimpse into what makes McConnell so detestable. When called to defend his views in public, he reveals himself not as the stately Bluegrass compromiser found in his own imagination, but as the unscrupulous lackey of a brazen and unstable president.”
A+
COVID stands for Citrus Orange Varieties Instant Date. We can talk about how the anti orange juice movement got that way but first they need to be brought to heal. The expert consensus is that everyone including fruit in their avatars is needed to achieve community immunity.