Hi, I’m Jesus, and When I Get Back, I Want All the Eggs Hidden

Hey folks, it’s your favorite twice-a-week satirical newsletter written by a guy named Eli. I’m on a final deadline this weekend for my book, which is the only thing that would ever get between you, me, and a brand-new piece of humor. Instead, in honor of Easter Sunday (a day I do not celebrate, but can certainly see the fun of: eggs, a zombie, etc.) I’…