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Inflation Q&A: Hot Dog Edition
Q: What is inflation?
A: It’s an ancient Greek word meaning “A hot dog costs how much?!”
Q: Wait, how long have we been selling hot dogs?
A: Eve ate a hot dog from the Tree of Knowledge. You do the math.
Q: No thanks. Why does inflation occur?
A: An increase in production costs. Specifically, the cost of the yachts that the people who own the means of production want to buy.
Q: I wish them the best.
A: You shouldn’t.
Q: What does it mean to raise interest rates?
A: It means hot dogs cost a lot more to borrow than they used to.
Q: Uh, who “borrows” hot dogs?
A: People who aren’t sure if they’re going to eat their hot dog.
Q: What happens if you end up eating the hot dog you borrowed?
A: You owe the market price of the original hot dog, plus interest.
Q: Doesn’t sound like it’s worth it.
A: It’s not. Hot dogs are a terrible investment. They start to lower in temperature as soon as you buy them.
Q: So, what’s happening with inflation right now?
A: It’s cooling off. Like a hot dog.
Q: That sounds like a good thing.
A: It could be. The price of a hot dog is leveling out. But…
A: Rents haven’t gone down yet.
Q: I don’t understand. Rent? You’ve made it so I can only think about hot dogs. Can you put it in terms of hot dogs?
A: When you buy a hot dog and you take it back to the place you eat your hot dog, that place you eat your hot dog still costs too much, relative to how much you spent on the hot dog.
Q: And the hot dog has lost value on my way back to the place I eat my hot dogs.
A: Now you’re getting it.
Q: Man, I’m hungry. How much for a hot dog?
A: Oh, they’re not for sale.
Q: I thought you said people are buying hot dogs.
A: They are, but they put in cash offers above asking price.
Q: Wait a minute, is the hot dog a hot dog, or is the hot dog a house? I thought the hot dog was a hot dog and the place I eat my hot dog is an apartment or a house.
A: Sure, yes.
Q: That’s not helpful. The metaphors are too muddled. I can’t tell what I should do anymore.
A: That’s also part of the point. Nobody really knows what’s going to happen next.
Q: I get it.
A: No you don’t. None of us do.
Q: So what should I do next?
A: You should…
Pre-Order My Book
My upcoming collection of satirical essays called This Won’t Help: Modest Proposals for a More Enjoyable Apocalypse comes out October 24. You can pre-order it at any of the book-sellers linked here:
Behind the Writing
I read about inflation almost every day.
I get to have a hot dog, like, once a month.
I desperately want these trends to reverse.
That’s all for today. Thanks, as always, for reading and supporting this newsletter. I’ll see you right here next week—or this Sunday if you decide to: