Kids, You're Old Enough To Know: Santa's Real. And He's Dangerous.

Every Christmas morning, we are sick to our stomachs watching you kids open those “gifts,” praying that the bearded intruder left a toy and not some kind of poison gas or an angry porcupine. Yes, sometimes it’s an angry porcupine. The man is out of his mind.

Ah, you want to know about the cookies⁠…