Must-Watch: Two of the Worst Guys You've Ever Heard of Are Gonna Talk to Each Other

Ron DeSantis will announce he is running for president tonight during a discussion with Elon Musk.

Wow, huge news: Tonight, two of the worst guys you’ve ever heard of are gonna talk to each other.

Right there, in the other room!

Not a real room. A room online.

You absolutely need to watch this, online.

Not watch, though. It’s not a video. It’s just for listening.

And you gotta listen, because a pair of the most annoying, awful men you know about are gonna have a little chat.

Even better: One of them is going to make a giant announcement.

That’s right, two of the worst guys you’ve ever known about are getting together so one of them can tell the other one an announcement that all of us already know.

Is there anything better??

Seriously, don’t miss this. It’s the event of the season. Anyone who’s anyone will be tuning in: weird gross guys who like one of the guys, and super racist guys who like the other guy.

That’s basically everyone.

Turn. The. Volume. To. Eleven!!

What will they talk about? Great question. One of the worst guys you’ve ever heard of is gonna announce that he wants to be directly in charge of your life.

And the other worst guy you’ve ever heard of is gonna fully support him.

You’re gonna love it.

But you won’t be able to love it if you don’t listen in.

It’s very important that you listen in. If nobody listens in, they might eventually stop talking altogether. And do you really want the two worst guys you’ve ever heard of to stop talking?

Fine, you want a preview. We all want a preview. Here’s how it’ll probably sound:

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WORST GUY YOU’VE EVER HEARD OF: “Hi, thanks for being here. I heard you have an announcement to make. Does the announcement involve the numbers 69 and 420?”

EVEN WORSE GUY THAN THE WORST GUY YOU’VE EVER HEARD OF: “No, it involves becoming the permanent president, banning all books, destroying the economy, and getting rid of anyone who isn’t straight cis and white.”

WORST GUY YOU’VE EVER HEARD OF: “Wow, so interesting. You should do that plus a 69.”

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That’s it! That’s all you get.

So if you want to hear more sentences that will cause your hands to autonomously begin shoving gravel into your own ears—if you want to be driven to madness by the mutterings of two of the absolute worst guys who’ve ever been around—you’ll need to tune in tonight.

*There will NOT be a recording available in order to avoid producing any evidence that could be used by the Hague in 20-30 years.

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Pre-Order My Book

My upcoming collection of satirical essays called This Won’t Help: Modest Proposals for a More Enjoyable Apocalypse hist shelves out October 24. You can pre-order it wherever books are sold!

If you don’t have a personal preference, try any of the book-sellers linked here:

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Behind the Writing

Why write this piece about these guys? Because they’re two of the worst guys right now.

Will there be even worse guys in the months and years to come? Probably!

But right now, these two are high up on the ladder of worst guys.

And they’re gonna have a little chat.

You gotta watch. Listen? Sure, whatever.

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That’s all for today—thanks, as always, for reading and supporting this newsletter. See you right here next week, or this Sunday if you decide to…