Other Groundhog Day Outcomes

If the groundhog sees its shadow, it will retreat to its den and winter shall persist for six more weeks.

If the groundhog sees its parents on FaceTime, it will be asked to help troubleshoot their internet. So it will immediately pretend to see its shadow and scamper back into its den. Two more months of WiFi-less winter.

If the groundhog sees a video on TikTok, it will keep scrolling mindlessly until it finally looks up from its phone and realizes that spring, summer, and fall have all passed by, and winter has arrived once again. The groundhog will then go back to binge-watching TikTok. One year and six weeks more of winter.

If the groundhog sees a therapist, it will begin to realize that spring and winter are just mindsets.