Pardon Me, But... What Is This Turkey Even Accused Of?

This year, like every year, the White House plans to pardon a turkey. And this year, like every year, I ask you: what crime has this turkey committed?

Has it murdered? Has it embezzled? Or does it stand guilty of simply being born a turkey? Must you pardon a feathered bird for its very existence?

And in what court is the appropriate punishment being roast…