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Other Balloons We Must Destroy

Other Balloons We Must Destroy

Feb 05, 2023
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Other Balloons We Must Destroy
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Official brief from the US Department of Defense to POTUS regarding other balloons we must destroy.

Mr. President,

Per your order, we recently shot down a Chinese spy balloon that was first spotted over Montana. Though our mission was a success, we believe there are a number of other balloons that must be destroyed. See below and please advise.

Birthday Balloons
These often pop without notice, scaring the birthday boys and girls. Furthermore, it is highly possible many of them are equipped with spyware—used by either an aggressor nation-state, or by Liam (who wasn’t invited). It is imperative we destroy these balloons before they destroy themselves on their own terms. Please advise.

30 of the 99 Luftballons
We think you know why we need to destroy these.

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