The Cancellation of Jesus Christ

Matthew 26-28 (…ish)

Jesus sat down with his twelve disciples, and as they did eat, Jesus said, “Verily I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me, and tell of how I act in private to a reporter at Vanity Fair, or perhaps even to Ronan Farrow.”

And as they were eating, Jesus took bread and blessed it, broke it, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” And Judas muttered, “This is the shit I’m talking about, making us eat your body and stuff. It’s, like, way over the line.”