The Secret Habits of the Ultra Wealthy
For the past few decades, we have been tracking the lives and habits of the world’s wealthiest people, also known as ultra-high-net-worth individuals (UHNWI). We present our findings below, in the hopes that the general public may make use of these habits in order to join the upper echelons of society.
They Wake Up Early
During our study, we found that many ultra wealthy people have a habit of waking up early to get a head start on the day—the same kind of head start they were given when they were born into an ultra wealthy family. If you can make a habit of rising with the sun and also being born rich, you’ll be well on your way toward joining the top tier of the financial elite.
They Invest
According to our findings, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a member of the ultra wealthy who doesn’t make their money work for them. They are constantly finding new ways to invest the unattainable gobs of money they’ve already been paid. Stocks, new businesses, real estate—you name it, they’ve invested in it (with the millions and billions they already had to begin with). Want to join them? Simply make a habit of being paid unattainable gobs of money (or inheriting it), then invest it!
They Budget
It became clear during our study that the majority of the ultra wealthy have a very specific budget. That budget is this: they never pay as much as they should in taxes. We recommend you do the same. However, be warned: if you don’t already have and/or make an absolutely disgusting amount of money, avoiding taxes is a criminal offense. So please make a habit of being both grossly rich and a tax dodger, or neither.
They Don’t Read These Lists
Because they don’t have to—they are already ultra wealthy via the exploitation of an untold number of workers. Remember: there is no such thing as elite wealth without the plight of the working class. So simply make a habit of not caring about anyone else, and also of already being rich, and you’ll be just fine—we promise!
Q&A about this piece
Q: Well, this isn’t very helpful.
A: How come?
Q: I feel like it’s saying that if I’m not already ultra wealthy… I never will be.
A: Yeah, that’s what it’s saying.
Q: So then how is it helpful?
A: It’s helping you realize and recognize the usefulness of class solidarity. Neither you nor I nor anyone reading this will ever be ultra wealthy, so why should anyone be? The answer, posited ironically and rhetorically by the piece above, is simple: they shouldn’t.
Q: Oh. Ok! That is helpful…
A: Right?!
Q: …for a loser! I wanna be rich! I’m gonna go Google a different list! Bye, sucker!
A: Ugh, well, I tried.
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That’s all for this week—thanks for reading! Goodbye.