We Regret to Announce That We Need to Raise Our Prices, Because It Will Make Us a Shitload of Money

Dear valued and manipulated consumer,

Here at [BIG BUSINESS], we regret to announce that we need to raise our prices again, because it will make us a shitload of money. Trust us: we don’t want to do this—we want our products to be as accessible as possible. But we also want to make a fuckton of profit. That being said, a coffee costs thirty dollars now.

W…