Your gratitude is mandatory

Notice: Your gratitude is mandatory. Previous gestures of thanks do not qualify as current appreciation. Only continued, in-the-moment toadying and bootlicking will suffice. Those who have thanked before will not be compensated for their thanks. Anything other than gratitude will be examined as an action against the state.

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Alert: You will receive your next Social Security payment if and only if we receive a letter of thanks within the next 24 hours. Alternatively, we can send someone to come by your house to accept your thanks in-person…