I Took Some Photos For NASA, Too
Everyone’s talking about the first set of photos sent back by the James Webb Space Telescope, and sure—they’re pretty cool. But I took some photos for NASA, too. And guess what? They haven’t posted a single one. What’s up with that?
I’ll tell you what’s up that: this is just another example of machines taking our jobs.
Look at this photo I took of the moon:
Sure, it’s no “Cosmic Cliffs” the Webb sent back in high-res. But it’s clearly the moon!
I guess it could also be the sun, if that’s how my phone takes pictures of the sun.
But it’s definitely one of those two—the moon or the sun.
Or a very bright street lamp.
“But the James Webb sent back a lot of great photos,” you might say.
And in response, I would focus on the “a lot of photos” part of “a lot of great photos” and say, “What makes you think I don’t have a lot of photos, too?”
Here’s another one, also of the moon:
“Is that just the first picture you showed us, but zoomed in?” you might ask.
“No!” I’d say, “It’s actually another photo of the same spot, but a cloud was rolling in and blocked part of the moon.”
“Fine,” you might say, “You have some photos of the moon, I guess. But the James Webb sent back photos from way further away than the moon.”
And in response, while focusing on the “way further away moon” part of “way further away than the moon,” I would say, “Check THIS out!”
The moon is WAY further away in that picture! So, the question remains… why is NASA insisting on giving the space picture job to a random robot instead of me, a human being?
“Because you only take bad pictures of the moon,” you might say.
And that would be the end of our conversation. Because clearly, you’re on #TeamMachines. And I’m #TeamHumans.
Which team are YOU on?
Q&A about this piece
Q: Are we… are we supposed to pick a “team” now?
A: Uh, duh.
Q: Wait, are you wearing a shirt that says “#TeamMachines”?
A: I made it myself, once I picked #TeamMachines.
Q: This is stupid, there are no teams. NASA controls the James Webb Space Telescope… so humans control the machines.
A: Not if #TeamMachines has anything to say about it! Chaaaaarge!
Q: “Charge?”
A: That’s our battle cry. Get it? Because it’s like “charge” into battle, but also machines have to charge. It’s like, one is a common phrase, and the other is also a common—
Q: No, I get it.
It’s time to decide:
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Did you read it?
I’m getting married later this year, and I wrote about how marriage makes everything fancy for The New Yorker. Did you read it?
That’s all for this week—thanks for reading! Goodbye.
