Strange. The plan to make everything more expensive is somehow making everything more expensive.
Odd. Very odd, indeed. The plan to make everything in the country more expensive seems to be—and this will no doubt come as a huge surprise—somehow making everything more expensive. It honestly has to be a mistake. Someone should look into it.
Maybe it would help to retrace our steps. Let’s see: Prices were high, so we decided to solve that by raising prices. And then what happened? Prices rose, and they’re still rising. I’m sorry, but, huh?! Make it make sense!
It’s not just prices, either. Apparently lots of people are out of work, which is super weird because one of the big things we’ve been doing is firing people. A little confused over here, not gonna lie.
And don’t get us started on taxes. The plan was simple: the billionaires don’t need to pay their fair share. We all agreed on that. And now, instead, the billionaires aren’t paying anything at all. What’s, um, up with that?
By the way, this stuff goes beyond the economy. There was this other plan, you see, to make all of our allies hate us. Here’s the bizarre part: it’s causing all of our allies to hate us. Just like that, for no reason! You’d think they’d be grateful but no—as soon as we started making them hate us, they decided they hate us.
It’s not like we didn’t try, either. We really made an effort to alienate anyone we’ve ever helped and who’s ever helped us. And now they… don’t want to help us. Seriously? What reality are we even living in right now?
This is all getting, like, kind of concerning. Can’t believe we’re even asking this, but is anything else gonna backfire? We voted for a guy who doesn’t want us to ever vote again. Obviously that sounds like a solid plan, but given everything else that’s happened, we’re a little worried that, well, we’ll never be able to vote again. Is that… is that possible?
Eh, who are we kidding—that could never happen.
What I’ve been reading
Tesla Is More Vulnerable Than You Think,
“The idea of making Elon Musk $100 billion poorer might sound like some grand dream. It is not. If you think of it only in terms of your own spending, it seems difficult: You may not buy a Tesla, but you’re only one person, and you don’t spend billions. But that is not the right way to think of it. The task is not to organize an explicit national boycott so much as it is to tarnish Tesla’s brand—by simply making clear to potential Tesla consumers that their purchase represents support for an odious political agenda.”
Maybe he’ll surprise us.
On the bright side, once everything is privatized (most likely the biggest company being Musks' United States of America Inc.-this is a real thing-incorporated in Texas), and the minimum wage becomes a relic of the past, there will be plenty of jobs, and no worries about illegal (or legal, for that matter) immigrants, because who would want to come here?