Archive - Here's Something

Tag lines for US presidents if they were on The Real Housewives

A look back at the evolution of a humor piece

Feb 19

Super Bowl Commercials, 2074

Forget tonight's ads. All that matters is the future, and the future is Taco Bell.

Feb 11

January 2024

The country is divided in two halves. Plus another half.

The half that doesn't vote, and the half that's a few more halves.

Jan 25

I, too, am suspending my campaign

And I will not stop now.

Jan 22

Diary entries from The Ultimate World Cruise

Something is very, very wrong.

Jan 7

Unfortunately, you've been listed on my flight logs

I may not have a plane, but I still keep track. Cheers!

Jan 4

December 2023

Here's Something: Best of 2023

This year's top five pieces, from lower back pain to new baseball rules

Dec 20, 2023

Short Story Sunday #1

A new series for paid subscribers

Dec 10, 2023

Answering Questions at the Climate Summit After My Speech in Support of Oil World

My latest for McSweeney's

Dec 6, 2023

George Santos applies for a new job

Plus: Behind the writing, and a New Yorker best book of 2023

Dec 3, 2023

November 2023

My audiobook is out!

You can listen to my voice for six entire hours

Nov 29, 2023

In their words: The acorn balloon in this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

My entire purpose is to fall, and yet they have made me float.

Nov 23, 2023

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