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The jokes I wrote for SNL that never aired
Two very expensive goats.
Feb 17
8
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The jokes I wrote for SNL that never aired
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2
"He can't do that!"
And other things to say instead of marching in the streets.
Feb 13
14
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"He can't do that!"
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2
We're being maximally transparent. For instance, we [REDACTED]
New today, for McSweeney's
Feb 12
13
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We're being maximally transparent. For instance, we [REDACTED]
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Hi, I’m Zack. I'm 19 and I'm in charge of the treasury now.
I’ve already spent over ten months of my life in adult-style jobs.
Feb 9
24
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Hi, I’m Zack. I'm 19 and I'm in charge of the treasury now.
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Finally, the right people control our money: a person
It's a perfect, streamlined system.
Feb 4
18
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Finally, the right people control our money: a person
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Tariffs: What you need to know
Everything is far too affordable.
Feb 2
5
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Tariffs: What you need to know
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1
January 2025
A brand new way to put people out of work
My first piece for the San Francisco Standard
Jan 31
8
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A brand new way to put people out of work
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Somebody needs to do something. Not me, but somebody.
Who will step up? (Puts finger on nose)
Jan 29
20
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Somebody needs to do something. Not me, but somebody.
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5
Opening remarks at the National March for Forced Birth
You're an amazing group of mostly men
Jan 27
12
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Opening remarks at the National March for Forced Birth
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These things, they don't exist
Migrant crime, merit, and other made-up crises
Jan 23
13
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These things, they don't exist
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The right side of history (the side where it ends)
Take comfort, breathe easy, stand tall
Jan 22
12
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The right side of history (the side where it ends)
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Bootlicker, a definition
“The bootlicker paid extra for a good seat at inauguration.”
Jan 21
10
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Bootlicker, a definition
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2
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