Sitemap - 2023 - Here's Something
Here's Something: Best of 2023
Answering Questions at the Climate Summit After My Speech in Support of Oil World
George Santos applies for a new job
In their words: The acorn balloon in this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
Opening remarks at my book launch
The Supreme Court and the power of the paid vacation
Abortion should be between a patient, their doctor, and the god of my choosing
The only way to prevent car crashes is more cars
I'm running to be your next and final president
Detailed feedback on your final group project, "The Pledge of Allegiance"
The firehouse has adjourned until Tuesday
What it's like to audition for your own audiobook
Requirements for Neuralink human test candidates
Pop Quiz: Fall of Rome, or Right Now?
American football terms, as I understand them
An excerpt from my upcoming book
Stressed About Life? Try Our New Product, Reading The News™
"It's Time to Vote" Whispers the GOP at 1am on a Wednesday
Recall Notice: Your Lower Back™
Key Differences Between Barbie and Oppenheimer
Inflation Q&A: Hot Dog Edition
Who Will Be Our Next President? This Small Town Has No Idea and Wants Us to Stop Asking Them
HELP PROVE I'M INNOCENT BY SENDING ME MONEY IMMEDIATELY
The Wildfire Smoke Episode of Seinfeld
My Work Has Been Translated Into Italian!
And Jesus Said Unto Them, “Go Scream at Mannequins in Target”
Must-Watch: Two of the Worst Guys You've Ever Heard of Are Gonna Talk to Each Other
Uh, Mooch Much? These 535 People Get Their Entire Salaries From the Government
There's Still Time to Get Mom a Replica of One of the Teeth They Made for the Shark Prop in Jaws
George Santos Confesses to His Crimes
Nepo Baby? King Charles Looks Suspiciously Like Queen Elizabeth
Jobless Tucker Carlson Orders a Pizza
Tax Deductions You Should Be Allowed to Take
This Couple Is Trying to Find a Home on a Budget That You Could Never Fathom
Hi, I’m Jesus, and When I Get Back, I Want All the Eggs Hidden
A Bunch of Ideas for Pieces About Trump Getting Arrested
A Few More Last-Minute Baseball Rules
Don't Talk To Me Until I've Had My Morning Doom Scroll
I, Too, Will Be Arrested On Tuesday
Welcome to Your Bank, Where We Don't Keep Any of Your Money
Lydia Tár Reviews This Year's Best Picture Nominees
Disney Movies Rewritten By Ron DeSantis
Throwback Sunday: The Unwritten Rules of Baseball
Catchphrases for Presidents if They Were on The Real Housewives
Predictions for Super Bowl MMLVII
A State of the Union Recap, By George Santos
Other Balloons We Must Destroy
Throwback Sunday: Emergency Exit Row
I, Too, Have Misplaced Some Classified Documents
We're Doing Really Well, So We Need to Lay Some People Off
Here at Boston Dynamics, We’ve Created Yet Another Thing We Should Immediately Destroy
You Are Now Defined by the Kind of Stove That Randomly Came With Your Apartment
Things Other Than the Golden Globes That Were Also Last Night You Had No Idea Were Happening