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Here's Something: Best of 2023

Short Story Sunday #1

Answering Questions at the Climate Summit After My Speech in Support of Oil World

George Santos applies for a new job

My audiobook is out!

In their words: The acorn balloon in this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Opening remarks at my book launch

The Supreme Court and the power of the paid vacation

Book launch recap!

Abortion should be between a patient, their doctor, and the god of my choosing

The only way to prevent car crashes is more cars

On satire

What I've been reading

I'm running to be your next and final president

Detailed feedback on your final group project, "The Pledge of Allegiance"

The firehouse has adjourned until Tuesday

What it's like to audition for your own audiobook

Requirements for Neuralink human test candidates

Pop Quiz: Fall of Rome, or Right Now?

American football terms, as I understand them

An excerpt from my upcoming book

Stressed About Life? Try Our New Product, Reading The News™

"It's Time to Vote" Whispers the GOP at 1am on a Wednesday

Recall Notice: Your Lower Back™

Key Differences Between Barbie and Oppenheimer

This Week's Weather Forecast

Inflation Q&A: Hot Dog Edition

Who Will Be Our Next President? This Small Town Has No Idea and Wants Us to Stop Asking Them

Our Latest Study


The Wildfire Smoke Episode of Seinfeld

My Work Has Been Translated Into Italian!

And Jesus Said Unto Them, “Go Scream at Mannequins in Target”

Must-Watch: Two of the Worst Guys You've Ever Heard of Are Gonna Talk to Each Other

Uh, Mooch Much? These 535 People Get Their Entire Salaries From the Government

Congratulations, Your City Is in the Top Ten Best Places to Live (For People Who Make at Least Six Figures)

There's Still Time to Get Mom a Replica of One of the Teeth They Made for the Shark Prop in Jaws

George Santos Confesses to His Crimes

Nepo Baby? King Charles Looks Suspiciously Like Queen Elizabeth

Jobless Tucker Carlson Orders a Pizza

Pre-order my book!

Tax Deductions You Should Be Allowed to Take

This Couple Is Trying to Find a Home on a Budget That You Could Never Fathom

Hi, I’m Jesus, and When I Get Back, I Want All the Eggs Hidden

A Bunch of Ideas for Pieces About Trump Getting Arrested

A Few More Last-Minute Baseball Rules

Don't Talk To Me Until I've Had My Morning Doom Scroll

I, Too, Will Be Arrested On Tuesday

Welcome to Your Bank, Where We Don't Keep Any of Your Money

Lydia Tár Reviews This Year's Best Picture Nominees

Introducing The Ron DeSantis Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Not Good Too

Disney Movies Rewritten By Ron DeSantis

How Can We Afford to Bail Out Student Loan Borrowers When We Can Barely Afford to Bail Out the Airline Industry, Citigroup, Bank of America, Chrysler, and Then the Entire Airline Industry Again?

Throwback Sunday: The Unwritten Rules of Baseball

Upcoming Episodes From Our Podcast About How We're Being Too Mean to the Bigoted Billionaire Who Lives in a Castle

Catchphrases for Presidents if They Were on The Real Housewives

Trolley Problem Updates

Predictions for Super Bowl MMLVII

A State of the Union Recap, By George Santos

Other Balloons We Must Destroy

We Can't Find The Groundhog

Throwback Sunday: Emergency Exit Row

I, Too, Have Misplaced Some Classified Documents

We're Doing Really Well, So We Need to Lay Some People Off

Here at Boston Dynamics, We’ve Created Yet Another Thing We Should Immediately Destroy

You Are Now Defined by the Kind of Stove That Randomly Came With Your Apartment

Things Other Than the Golden Globes That Were Also Last Night You Had No Idea Were Happening

C-SPAN is Back, Baby!

Congratulations on Making It to 2023, The Final Year